For all the wrong reasons

For all the wrong reasons.. ^

I can't escape Tom Petty sometimes. 

I originally wanted to get Dexcom because of the middle of the night low's that I wasn't responding to until I was down in the 40's and 30's. Sounds like a valid reason, correct?  I knew ahead of time that I would have to wear a sensor not part of the time, but all of the time. Alright I said, no big deal. Well now... this may sound selfish, or annoying... but I know I'm diabetic, and that I'm I guess " different" but I had gotten rid of Omnipod partially because I wanted to be "normal". 

Whoa.

Anyway, 

I don't need the sensor during the day. I'm pretty aware of what I'm doing and what I'm eating and carb counting and mathematically calculating IC ratio's. 

I'm going to keep the sensor on all the time. And maybe just not take the receiver with me during the day? 

Ugh, I'm such a half-ass diabetic sometimes it drives me nuts and I wish I was completely OK with diabetes taking over my life. 

But I'm not.

So, on we go...

Now that Dex is waking me up in the middle of the night to alert me of possible low blood sugar, it's so aggravating to me because I'm not even at the point of feeling low  like I was before. So in reality this device vibrating and beeping in my bed just reminds me of my cellphone going off in the morning where I hit snooze and roll back over. 

This is terrible. 

I hit " snooze" atleast 5 times last night when it was telling me I was low. 

I was like, shut up you dumb device I don't even feel low and I know you're atleast 20 point off to what my real blood sugar is, so I'm going back to sleep until I get some kind of symptom.

I'm an idiot. And I'm not used to this. I need to get used to this very helpful, expensive piece of technology my parents just opened their wallets for. 

Also, now that I set my "high" to 180 and my "low" to 60.  It's stressing me out when my little 5 minute marker dots start creeping outside the lines! And even more so, when I correct with insulin or drink some juice, and the dots don't move back into range quick enough. 

I'm stressed out. 

Over this little stupid device. And my blood sugars are in-range, for the most part. 

Wowzers. 

I need to wake up and go back to sleep. 

Then find a cure to diabetes so that I don't even have to fathom all this nonsense. 

Or a time machine so I can go back to being a kid before diabetes was even on my worry list. 

How....bogus.